The subject matter of this post deals with an older gentleman that my asawa and I met at Raymen Beach in Guimaras a few months ago. Let’s call him “Roy.” Roy is 75. His Filipina girlfriend, “Jill,” is 25. They’ve been together for the past several years and have a three-year-old son together.
Photo courtesy of Angelito Catolos @ Unsplash
Roy’s American wife died back in the States in 1981. After spending a few years in Denmark and other locations throughout the world, this Midwesterner decided to visit the Philippines back in the 1980’s. He met a Filipina he had been corresponding with for some time . He arrived in Manila at 5 pm. They were married two hours later that same day at 7 pm.
Now wait a minute! I immediately exclaimed to Roy that his “marriage” was not legal. He could not have obtained a “Legal Capacity to Contract Marriage” in such a short time. The Philippine Government requires all foreigners to provide a “Legal Capacity to Contract Marriage” from his/her embassy before filing for a marriage license.
Roy quickly added that they also did not have the ten-day waiting period from the date of their civil wedding before the issuance of the marriage contract. This is also another requirement that the Philippine government demands. So in effect, their marriage was illegal. But Roy did not know that at the time. He did not care. He was anxious to start his honeymoon with his new wife. She wouldn’t have sex until they were married.
But the Midwest native was “married” long enough to have his “asawa” sponsor him for a Permanent Resident Visa. Since Immigration authorities did not know of the illegal status of his marriage, he obtained the visa without any difficulty. It is not valid, but Roy is not about to go to the Immigration Office in Intramuros and report that fact now.
But the couple had a falling out. Since they were not legally married anyway, they split up. Roy stayed in the Philippines. He loved it here. But he was getting lonely.
One day the Midwesterner was sitting all alone at the food court at the EDSA North SM Mall in Metro Manila. He saw a young cute Filipina sitting at a table, also alone.
After a few minutes of exchanging glances, Roy walked over to the pretty pinay, 50 years his junior. “Jill” worked at one of the stores in the mall and was having lunch. After several luncheon dates, Roy asked Jill if she would stay with him at his home. He told her they would have separate bedrooms. She agreed, but not before the much older man asked the young Filipina’s nanay (mother) permission for her daughter to go with him. Nanay gave her blessing.
The separate bedroom arrangement did not last long. As Roy explained to me he had a king-sized bed and needed someone to share it with. And share it they did. A couple of years later they had a son.
Roy has money. It is not his good looks and charm that snagged the senior citizen a beautiful girlfriend a half century younger than him. The age gap between the two is not unusual in the Philippines. And it does not take a lot of money to attract the much younger ladies. The perception that we foreigners are “rich” is usually enough.
The American went first-class on his visit to Raymen Beach. Rented the best room at the beach resort. Rented an entire pump boat for 600 pesos (14 USD) instead of boarding one for P14 (33¢) each. Hired a jeepney for P900 (21 USD) one way instead of a cheaper multicab which costs half that price.
Roy was not interested in saving money. He was only interested in impressing his girlfriend that he never intends to marry. “Why buy the milk if the cow is free?” is the old saying. But in this case, that “cow” is costing him a lot of money.
So can you be like Roy and find a Filipina girlfriend 10-50 years younger than you? Absolutely. Do you have to be rich? Nope, not at all. Again, the mere perception that foreigners have money, whether they be American, Canadian, British, etc., will attract a lot of younger Filipinas to you. Plus many pinays prefer an older mature man anyway.
If you approach the ladies like Roy did at a local mall in the Philippines, you probably will find many that will be receptive to chatting with you. If people call you a “dirty old man,” do you really give a damn what they think?
Am I judging Roy? Absolutely not. My asawa is 13 years younger than me. Does age matter? Not in the Philippines.
Comments are welcomed. Please feel free to add your input. What do you think? Back in the States, lots of people would be giving him “the look” and criticizing him behind his back. While I’m sure he gets his fair share of stares in the Philippines, I did not notice anyone at the beach giving the couple much attention. What is your take on this?
WHY FILIPINAS SHOULD MARRY THE OLD FART! NEW STUFF FROM MY SISTER SITE, “LIVE PHILIPPINES”
Lead photo courtesy of Peter John Manlapig @ Unsplash
hi dave,i sent you an e-mail about a woman i met whom wants to have a baby with me and then i am set free with no obligations,she even will sign a notorized document by a lawyer stating that i am not financially responsable for what happens before during and after the birth of the child as she is serious and wants a baby now as she is in her 30,s.She says she loves my big kano nose and wants her kid to have blonde hair.
I thought there was no jobs for expats in the ph,I may become a gigilo,wonder if i could charge for my services?
Way more fun in the philippines.
Did this lady mention that there was a specimen cup and a turkey baster involved? Thats how it always ends up for me! haha!
Hey, if I was a 75 yr. old widower, I would probably want to spend my remaining years in the company of a young hottie…can’t take the money with you so might as well go out with a smile on your face.
But, at present, I’m just a 40 yr. old single guy that generally prefers women closer to my age so am looking in the 30-40 yr. old range (which I am throwing out there in case there are single Filipinas reading this blog. 😉 )
I had not seen that story, but she is a cutie! I think I’m one of the only people that isn’t on Facebook but I’m thinking of doing a profile there so I don’t miss out meeting someone like her.
I thought I hit pay dirt the other day on CB. She owned a bar! I asked if that meant I get all the free San Migs I want and she said ‘Yes’! Unfortunately, upon viewing additional pictures, she was either a very unfortunate looking woman or not a woman. Soooo close. lol
If I were looking now in the age of facebook, I would probably get a second account for my search. I like facebook. I wouldn’t want to risk my primary account to whatever I might find looking for love. A lot of people do this. On my friend list, I have 2 dogs and a rabbit. Sometimes, you need to be a little discrete.
I am single… 🙂
Hahaha… That was a quick reply. 🙂
I was just reading the comments and just say that Steve was looking for a friend with almost the same age as him. 🙂
🙂
The attitude of filipino’s have changed in the last 4 decades. Before if a filipina married a foreigner even at same age, she would be looked down on. When my wife took me to her home province in late sixtys the only 2 foreigners was the preist and me. People would come up to me and ask me to bless them. Now people come up to me and ask Hey Joe you looking for wife. Was there couple months ago and wife had bought some fish from vender and said she would buy all if he would clean them so she could dry them to bring back to states. My wife doesn’t dye her hair like most filipinos and has streaks of gray. I came outside to sit on porch and drink a cup of coffee and smoke a cig. The guy kept looking at me and finally asked my wife if I was her son inlaw. She told him no that we had been married for 46 yrs and the guy looked surprised and started apologizing to my wife. He said the only reason he asked was because alot of foreigners was marring younger woman from where he was from.
dave and george
it would be an enlightning article(s) on how expats with your filipina wives who have lived with you outside of philippines think and deal with these younger filipinas that covet you, the “rich” foreigners.
to me, these wives of yours are golden, just for the communication part alone, you can speak to us and we get it. you dont have to explain everything.
hi maria,you are correct on the explaining thing which can become irritating after awhile as the explanation never makes sense,in the end everything is lost in translation.I have been enjoying spending time with a woman whom is 27 and she was a call center agent for t-mobile and took calls from the usa and actually knows alot about the different regions of the usa and now she is a teacher here and teaches english to the koreans and it is so nice to sit down and be able to talk and have her understand me and i her.She also gets it when i use sarcasm which most pinays dont understand when we are jokin a bit.
I see you are well versed on Viargra Dave. 😛
I am happy to see you are adjusting to your golden years.
I am sorry but I just couldn’t stop myself…
I did meet a Kano at the G-Mall Grand a couple of years ago who was 35 years older than his wife…she was 55 years old. Yep! He was 90. They seemed happy doing the snowbird thing. Cold in the States and here they come to the Philippines. She has a house here and he has a house over there. It was working out well for them. Did they get lots of stares? Sure they did!!! He was tossing out the F-Bomb all the time. It was hard not to look.
Gary, you would think someone who has reached 90 would be done swearing! 😯
It must really be a fiesty old fart . But is there really good sex between them lol. You never know. All i can say is more power to them as long as they are happy. Take care
Dave, and the guy had the good sense to brag about it? What an idiot.
There’s 35 years between me and my asawa. We took 2 1/2 years to getting to know each other before we even realized there was such a gap. By that time it was too late we were already in love. Dave S. 40 years from now I may be that guy, LOL.
Hi Dave: Older expats with very young Filipina women like to believe that age doesn’t matter. Among the poor, it wouldn’t matter as the pensioned retiree would become a provider for the entire family. Among the upper levels of the Filipino society, it would not be accepted. There are many postings in the internet by expats that complain about how their young wives are not invited in activities in exclusive subdivisions that they are now residing.
It is just a fact of life here in the Philippines Dave. 🙁 Expats are looked down upon by many.
Hi Gary: I’ve read a couple of expat postings awhile back that described very unpleasant scenarios, when native men would yell “pokpok” at their native women. This is disturbing.
I had that line that you are just a foriegner used on me one time. It was by a PNP that hit the side of my car with his motorcycle. He only said it one time and I dared him to repeat himself. Suddenly he was at a loss for words.
Hi Dave: There are expat bloggers who are married to very young Filipinas or have very young girlfriends who write about this scenario in some of their articles. Among these are those bloggers with the handle of “Matt”, “Grey Wolf”, and “Dutchpickle”. These expat bloggers seem to be very pragmatic individuals and have no illusion about the Philippines.
Hi Dave: Let me correct one handle – “Grey Spirit” (rather catching) instead of “Grey Wolf”. I’ve lived in New Mexico too long.
“Among the upper levels of the Filipino society, it would not be accepted.”
I have heard this too. I used to chat with a Filipina who was not part of the upper class, but was college educated and had a good job, and she and her friends did not like seeing the old kano/young Filipina relationships. They had no problem with the kano/Filipina relationships where the couple was closer in age.
I did meet a kano a few years ago who was 83 and had recently just got married to his 26 year old wife.
But, I guess it isn’t just a foreigner thing.
Man, 80, marries 21-year-old girlfriend
By Eva Visperas (The Philippine Star)
Rob, I posted a link to that article this morning (below). 😉
I agree with you Roselyn. My gf is 23 – and let’s just say I am not! Her family is not upper levels but they are middle class and they are very much opposed to our relationship. Unfortunately this may end our relationship since her dad says she cannot see me or speak to me again. Hard to know whether his objection is age gap, religion, or my being a kano – might be all 3.
But still it is so interesting that despite this, my gf loves me and tells her dad she wants to be with me forever – and finances clearly are not the motivation.
In our case, I will not let her ruin her family relationship for me, but I thought my story might add to the discussion.
Of course I should also add that I am very young looking and guapo – so YMMV 🙂
Hi Dave W: Your situation is rather very difficult. The Filipino father is very much respected and as independent as I was as a young woman 32 years ago when I married my Anglo-American husband, I don’t know what I could have done if my father opposed my chosen husband. I could have gotten him itoxicated with Chivas Rigal (my father’s favorite Scotch) and got him to sign his agreement on paper.
Unfortunately, in his religion – there is no drinking. Otherwise I’d bring him a case of San Miguel or a bottle of my favorite Mount Gay rum.
I simply would have passed and moved on if I were in that position. I simply wouldn’t have it.
With so many fish in the sea, I am sure I would have passed if I could not enjoy peace with my wife’s family. If a woman cannot get the blessing of the family to marry me, I would be uncomfortable. I would wonder about her relationships not only with her family but with others, including me, once the honeymoon is over. I don’t enjoy conflict. Sorry to say, I wouldn’t want a marriage with even a perfect for me woman who would want to marry me without the blessing of her family.
This isn’t America guys. There are too many good women over there you can love and at the same time enjoy peace with her family.
Dave,
I would have to say that, if you can not attract a younger Philippina while in the Philippines you might consider jumping into a burning fire pit or possibly suicide might also be an option. While I was there I saw an old Ugly
Australian guy that had a Beautiful Philippina Wife. Things ARE Better in the Philippines Dave !
That is funny, Dave. Hahaha!
http://www.livinthephilippines.com/
Funny but O so true. I am proud as I can be when I say I simply wasn’t good enough for women in the western hemisphere. No one can look down on me for having to go to another hemisphere to find someone, because I totally agree. I may be a loser, but I can’t imagine being any more happy than I am.
I also enjoy the looks, giggles, and blushes I get from everyone who sees how much I adore Melyn. I think we just have to embrace our issues and enjoy whatever we can.
When Meriam and I go out she hangs on to me…Why you ask? She was told to do that by her friends. They told her I might get kidnapped, by a young Filipina. Kinda like a dog chasing a car…what would I do with a lady 25 years old??? Support her and her boyfriend? That happens more than you think.
Gary, that or heart failure! 😉
🙂 😀 😛
“older foreigners meeting up with a Filipina who happens to already have a Filipino boyfriend.”
Even if you are thinking with the head above your shoulders; at the end of the day, how do you know if there is no boyfriend? or is this scenario more likely, do you think, with the older kano/younger Filipina dynamic?
I read on another forum a while back where a guy was telling everyone to stay away from St. Luke’s Hospital in Mania. He was telling everyone they didn’t know how to do a DNA test. He was wanting to bring his bride and baby to the USA. Hahahaha!!!! The baby wasn’t his!!!!!!!
My wife, Ghia, does the same thing to me, Gary. I asked her why she has to hang all over me, especially when it is 95 degrees and 95% humidity. She said that her friends warned her that some other girl might try and “snatch” me. I asked her what she thought I was going to do with another crazy Ilongga?? BTW, I just found this site and I hope that I can connect with some other expats here in Iloilo.
Good point Gary. I know Melyn was told the same thing. She hung on for dear life when I visited there. I was totally unaware. I just enjoyed it. When we met some of her friends, I really enjoyed hanging out with them. She was terrified by that. When she explained why, I just told her it would be absolutely stupid for me to forget about all she had invested in our relationship and grab someone else. I had to explain to her I wouldn’t want a girl who would do that. I also told her I liked her friends because I didn’t think they would do that. She obviously wasn’t so confident in them. Five years later, I still enjoy them but they know the best they can get is a good recommendation in helping them find someone who will love them as much as I love Melyn.
When I decided to look for a wife in the Philippines I was 42, I made a rule that my wife to be must be at least 28 and have a child. Well, I am 45 and my wife is 22, what happened? It was kind of an accident, I saw her pictures on her CB profile and decided to just enjoy them for a few minutes despite her being to young and no kid. At some of these sights you can see who has been viewing your profile, she did and sent me a message. It took a while but eventually as I got to know her as much as you can via email, I realized that actually her hopes, dreams and view of the future fit in with mine, much more so that the older single mom ladies I was in contact with. Of course she wants to support her family back home in Zamboanga and yes they are poor, even by Philippines standards. She was up front from the beginning with all of this. It’s been working very well, my wife is working and will soon have her RN license and will have even better work. Most of my friends are older than me so I was wondering how my young would fit in at gatherings, dinners and such? Sure she was shy at first, then there is my friends wives, what on earth are they going to think? Well, here we are a year into this deal and I am pleasantly surprised at how well this wonderful young lady fits in, she has won them all over. In hindsight I think my friends, including their wives where not prepared for the level of respect she shows them, it is very refreshing after all.
Dave,
Your Wife Really Is A Great LADY and Very Beautiful Also!
I Have To Say That You Are A Lucky Man !!
Till I Return
Wow Lee. I felt like I was reading my own story in your words. I am 51 and my wife 39. I wanted someone older, but she was just too perfect. She too in nearing her RN. Her parents are very poor even by Philippine standards. It has been a great ride.
Flash news people,Racism is alive and well in all countrys. This is 1 reason why we fight wars. I have to agree with Roselyn. In Philippines I have noticed that people from Luzon look down on people from other islands and even people on Luzon from different province look down on each other. It is just the way they are brought up. Much less if they are married to foreigners or not. Even here in states people are brought up to look down on people from different states or race. I knew that even my parents was racist when I was growing up by the way they talked and did not want me playing with differant kids. They even tried to talk me out of getting married to a filipina because as young as I was had to get their permission to marry. After meeting my wife and being married for so long they came to realize that I made the best chose. Only one of kids that has not been divorced out of six. Even here in states you see filipinos or other races who do not like to see filipina’s married to other race. I feel it even in our circle of friends, even if they do not come out and say it, just by the way they act toward you or your wife. There are just as many racist in the Philippines as there is in the states but we just have more because of the population. Both countrys have had or still has racist laws as I see it. USA had laws on books in most states that you could not marry outside your race until Supreme Court struck it down in 65 or 66. The Philippines is just as racist as eny other country. This is why I thank they booted out the bases. Read between the lines of the speeches of the 12 politicians who voted out the bases and are still in power. I thank it is even in there 60-40 control of corporations and that even though you are legally married to a Filipina you can not own property in Philippines which can only be in her name and you inherent if she dies before you and has to be sold only to another filipino. What I am trying to get across here is that no matter what country you live in or who you are married to, you are going to run into stupid people because that is how they was brought up. Racism to me is like corruption and prostitution, it’s been around forever and will never be stamped out. My thanking is, a person or persons should be able to live or marry as they see fit no matter what other people thank or not. It is their bed, they made it so they have to sleep in it.
Hi Dave,
I tried to resist responding to this subject but it was way too tempting.
First of all age does matter! The only people that say that age doesn’t matter are the people that are defensive over their lifestyle. Oh and the guys that star on “To Catch a Predator”. I know what you guys are thinking; you are the exception and she is your soulmate. The intelligent people in this situation would openly admit that there are some challenges in their relationship. I am always laughing at the men that are blaming Filipino culture for their problems. No Einstien the problem is that you married someone that is the age of your grand daughter (well at least in the southern US) and then you complain that she is immature and clings to her family.
There are so many issues involved with marrying some one 30, 40, or God forbid 50 years younger than you. Think about it; everybody looks at Hugh Hefner and laughs. He looks like a skeleton wrapped in wax paper and still manages to hook up with a new wife every few years. Does anybody have the belief that these young women are into liver spots and sagging testicles? Do you guys ever hear the stories about so and so’s cousin that went to the airport to meet her chat mate and ran away when she saw him in person? I guess the colostomy bag and oxygen tank were more attractive in the webcam.
The next response I anticipate is “Your just jealous”. Haha! Nothing could be further from the truth! I had no desire to hook up with a baby momma with a tale of woe from a remote area. I was introduced to a vibrant attractive mature business woman that only wanted me for my sweet loving nature and nothing more. (yeah I know that it is hard to imagine that I am so freaking wonderful but it is true!) She has a life experience to share with me and we have some common interests. Since my wife is mature she is not jealous or insecure that a cute little gold digger will sink her hooks into me. I have had several young ladies ask me why would I marry a matrona when I could have a young lady like themselves. I ask them what do they have to offer that my wife doesn’t. I haven’t gotten a reply yet.
The 75 year old married to the 25 year old with the 3 year old child is hysterical but sad to me. The wife will go from changing the diapers of the child to changing the diapers of the father. While she is diapering the old man after chili night at the VFW he will be saying age doesn’t matter right Honey? The sad part besides the visual incurred in the aforementioned statement is that odds are the child will grow up without a father. Even if he is still alive while the child is growing up chances are that the father will be a demented old zombie that has no interest in raising a child. Remember grandparents don’t always make good parents. Okay you Geritol jockeys lets hear how special and unique you are.
Btw Great comments Roselyn!
Sorry Tom, but I think you’re delusinonal here. Do you not understand that there are millions of people in the US, Phillipines or wherever else that believe with all their little judgmental souls that your multi-racial relationship is wrong and immoral and they too will give you logical reasons why it is fraught with problems. I am sure you don’t feel this way, but others do.
27 years ago I married an African-American woman. It was the enlightened 80s and I was surprised at the number of people who openly or secretly disapproved. Course we didn’t care and when we finally divorced, race wasn’t the issue, though my father assumed it was.
So I know what you’re thinking – this has nothing to do with race, it’s about age or specifically the age gap. But it’s the same thing. Two legal adults have the right to fall in love and marry. People may arrogantly assume they know the “reasons” for the couple coming together – but often they don’t.
So what age gap does the morality police think is appropriate? 5 years, 10, 20? Even Dave’s gap of 13 years, while modest in Ameican-Filipina relationships is large by Western standards. Of course, dave deliberately goaded us into the discussion by referencing a large gap of 50 years. But if it had been 20 years – would that pass muster? BTW, how do I get to join the morality police and more importantly – what do they pay 🙂
Why do I say you’re delusional? Because I guarantee that people look at you and your asawa walking down the street and have the same contempt for you that you have for this couple. It’s the contempt that’s wrong – not the couple.
To Dave D – I admire you for bringing up this topic. But there’s a famous Philippines expat forum that bars such topics because invariably the discussions break down. References to “To Catch a Predator” have often been cleverly used and for some reason men married to younger Filipinas take offense.
Just sayin’…
Wow delusional and contemptous. Not yet any way. Maybe that comes with age. I have had mixed race relationships before. With that being said I still believe that everyone has a bit of racism in them. The biggest racists are usually the people crying racism. People are not the same and should celebrate their differences. You are apparently still see color as a factor in everything and cannot look at the whole picture. Hmm, I wonder if you are contempous or delusional?
Perhaps my analogy wasn’t clear. Of course the original question wasn’t about race. But I just see little difference between criticism about race, religion, gender, or age. If we celebrate differences between people of different races, creeds or religions isn’t is possible to celebrate differences in age?
As to the original subjects of the post, while many people may be surprised or shocked by the 75-25 couple, I am wondering at what age it would have been OK or socially acceptable: 65-25, 55-25, 45-25, etc. And the more important question – does it matter if it is socially acceptable?
Which comes back to the original point I made (though perhaps poorly). If a relationship between a Westerner and Filipina is considered socially unacceptable by some, should that matter? I assume the answer for most of us is no – that shouldn’t matter.
Then why is social acceptance based on age so much more important?
No doubt I am currently sensitive to this issue. You can all see by my posting above that my gf’s family is currently forcing us to end our relationship since it is “socially unacceptable” for the family. And I am far far away from 75.
I was by no means writing about social acceptance. Roselyn made a good point about families with higher social standings frowning on mixed race marriages but I suspect it again becomes more of an age issue or where the initial introduction took place as to how such a relationship is viewed. I am by no means against anyones relationship nor do I pass judgement. The thing that is offensive to me is misplaced blame when everything is no longer peaches and cream. There are many considerations with any relationship. A multicultural relationship is challenging. Throw in a big age difference, a lack of worldliness, language barrier and possibly even stepchildren, you have a potential for big problems.
I sincerely wish you well with whatever path your life takes.
I may not be able to exress my opinion as eloquently as Tom R but as for me ..for a 75 year old man to marry a 25 year old girl is indecent and about the ultimate in stupidity and selfishness on the part of the silly old fool …and to father a child to the poor disilusioned girl …I dont have the words .I am 59 years old ..my wife is 45 and i will admit I had some reservations at the beginning because of our age difference. It is important to Josie that we look compatible in public and I wouldnt like that my wife would ever feel embarrased or uncomfortable to be seen with me .Of course she and all her friends and family told me I look young (but they told you that too.didn”t they )One deciding moment for me was when her daughter ..Angel.. insisted I be the one to take her to school .She beamed with pride to introduce me to her teachers and classmates .Grownups will tell you what they think you want to hear …if you want the truth ..ask a child .I dont know what the cutoff is when it comes to age difference but when I see an old western guy and a very young filipina together Im thinking …bargirl ..I feel embaressed and pity for her ….sori for being honest ………….thats my 2 bobs worth (australian expression ..Murray the kiwi understands ) ok …2 quarters worth for american friends …thats all …..
Hi Charlie,
My wife and I almost adopted two girls from the orphanage hear until racism reared it’s ugly head. The one concern that I had was that when our two daughters became older would people would look at me like a pedophile if I were walking alone in public with them. Since a social worker decided that after a month of the children being in our home that foriegn adoption is forbidden the sisters had to return to the orphanage.
its pouring rain in iloilo this morning at 4 am and i bet dave is in major brownout mode so we wont get any reply from dave d for a while.
We had 2 brown outs on Sunday. They lasted a total of 5 minutes each. We did have a 12 hour brown out a couple of weeks ago. Something blew up and took all day to repair. We had a big storm back in Michigan and the power was out for 3 days.
Dave you would think that a country that has 25 to 30 typhoons and most expensive power would wise up and come up with a way to bury those lines in the ground so that are not replacing them after every storm. But again might have to spend some of the excess money their making to put in their pockets and give customer better service.
Did’t I read a while back that your island has their own power plant so they are not dropped when Manila needs more power.
14 hours isn’t so bad. Over July 4 weekend, we didn’t have power for almost 4 days after some freak storm blew through. I was out of expletives sometime during Day 2.
Well this has been an interesting discussion. As one who is married to someone 30 years younger I don’t know what I can add. Do we get disapproving looks? Certainly. Do we enjoy each others families? Yes we do. Hers accepts me and mine accepts her. Did my father have doubts about our relationship? Yes he did but so did hers. We took a long time to get to know each other and discussed many topics over the years before meeting in person. I had my doubts right up until I got to know her in person. You hear so many terrible stories I didn’t know what to expect. I feel more at home in the Philippines than I ever did in the US but I’m still not completely at ease. I guess that’s just my nature. Do I embarrass her? Probably but I spend a lot of time embarrassing myself too. Just the way things are if you know what I mean. I’m happy. She’s happy. I know our little boy is happy (usually). When he’s 18 I’ll be 73 so I plan on being around for him unless God forbid something catastrophic happens, and I plan on living every day to it’s fullest because there’s no other way to live. Anybody who has an issue with how we lead our lives or an attitude about our relationship can take note the door swings both ways, don’t let it hit you in the back side on the way out. I’ll always have a nod and a wave for you. Even if you don’t fully understand what we see in each other it’s OK you don’t have to.
Dave
Not only do you have to watch for gold diggers in Philippines and on inter-net but also here in states. My daughters father in-law is 85, filipino and was hooked up with filipina who was in her late 30 when they met with 5 kids. He was talked into marring her to get her kids to states and seeing how they was all under 18 on SS. His kids tried to talk him out off it but he would not lessen to them. To make long story short she talked him into going back to Philippines, and now he is some place in Cavite where she is from and not allowed to visit or see eny of his relatives in Iloilo. She now spend more time in states and controlls both his retirement checks. This is why my wife has change are living trust so if she go’s before me the kids get her share. Ha Ha.
Hi Dave: Indifference to age gaps, economic standing, religion, tribe, and race is visible in the Philippines. Indeed the Tagalogs may look down on the Bisaya from Mindanao and vice versa. In a university environment as my small university town in the U.S., the “looking down practice” are against those without a minimal degree of at least a bachelor of arts. God help a fellow professor who brought a spouse without some type of education in a university function. Inevitably, the conversation will turn to your alma mater.
I witnessed an embarassing situation once in our local mall during a fashion show. The announcer took the time to introduce each beautiful young model and gave them an opportunity to state their major and class level standing. It came to a young lady that was not attending a university. The audience was quiet and the poor young lady was so embarrassed.
I don’t like social gatherings so I don’t miss the “pecking order” of people. If you are not a social climber in the Philippines (or in any country), you won’t be put out if people snob you.
Hi Dave: Elvis impersonator? I asked my husband once if we could renew our vows in a drive-in marriage window in Las Vegas or go to those small chapels with an Elvis impersonator for a wedding facilitator. To top the occasion, I thought that I would try out one of those wedding bouquet dispensers with a credit card. (We had a very traditional white wedding and I thought that it was just too stuffy, but my Fil-Am father approved.) My husband’s answer was: “no”. I guess I’ll have to find a Filipino Elvis impersonator when I get there. My husband might become mellow with age and will get the humour.
There are no shortages of Elvis in Tupelo, MS (Elvis’ birthplace). Every year during the Elvis Festival we have a impersonator contest that draws upwards of 20 or more impersonators from all over the USA. It’s not uncommon to have an Elvis sighting on regular occasion.
Dave ~ I’m sure there is one at the bottom of every bottle! 😆
Hi Dave: Please remove the second entry. My computer took a hi-cup and posted twice. Thanks.
BROWNOUTS ????????you’re off topic again you chaps ……………..Tom … I understand where your’e coming from …you’re attempt to adopt 2 filipino kids and your concern that some might look at you as a peodophile in public with your daughters .Of course this is somthing I also considered as (Josies)our daughter is 11 years old but it hasnt been an issue…maybe I;ve aged pretty well at 59 but I have never heard any negative comments ….i understand a little tagalog …….Now please stay on topic lads hahaha ……..unless you met your young filipina during a brownout
I’m no stranger to drawing the looks. Last visit, I was accompanied to town by four of my nieces, the oldest being 19, and I didn’t have to see anyone looking at us….I could feel the stares penetrate me like laser beams from all directions. It didn’t bother me all that much but you do know that peoples thoughts were traveling full circle that day. Bahala na.
I guess it must be an unwritten law of courtesy that says if you aren’t the only one staring, then it’s not impolite to stare. 😯
I have read or heard that people in the Philippines have been shot because they was staring at someone because they thought you was giving them the evil eye.
Dave. Since I am from Springfield, IL, I know exactly what you are talking about with the one group so Filipinos that at one time included mostly physicians and other professionals. My asawa often was the person who did not want to attend their gatherings such as gthe Christmas party since she did not want to hear about how sucessful their children were. The relative number of physicians has declined over the yeaars, and the groups has mellowed a bit. Luckily, my wife is only four years younger than I, so we get few stares or comments in either Phils or the States.
I am curious to know about the more compatible Fil-Am gruop in Central IL. Is this the group from Decatur started by Jason Lee? Jason is now president of CIPAS, so CIPAS has become a more relaxed and down-to-earth organization.
Dave, you are a brave man for opening this can of worms. Good topic and good discussions; very interesting to hear all these points of view.
Dave. We have met many of the Phil-Ams from Peoria as they have attended the Simbang Gabi held in December of each year in Springfield – the Peroia folks seem like a good group. We usually have a a good time at the annual CIPAS picnic.
We found through Arlene Sonneborn the filipino group in Virginia IL. They are so much more down to earth. I only went to one CIPAS Christmas party and will never go again. They had assigned seating. We were seated with a bunch of little kids. The food was really bad catered food and really expensive.
The Virginia group has an awesome potluck with real food. Country cooking is always better. When you get filipinos cooking out in the country, you will never go to CIPAS again.
Assigned seating? I would be doing an about face at the door! Nobody tells me where to sit, NOBODY! Well, except my mother and maybe my asawsa, of course. 😆
Long time no comment from me. I’ve been back in the US and just got back about a week ago. I was wondering if I am the only kano in the Philippines that is younger than their asawa. My wife is 8 years older than me and we’ve been married for 32 years and 4 months now. I can’t say that it’s always been roses, but I don’t think anyone that’s been married for so long can say it truthfully.
As for embarrassing your spouse in public, well I do that all the time, and it has nothing to do with age.
Dave I’ve got some catching up to do on your blog, so I better get started.
Hey John!
So you finally made it back? My wife is three and a half years older than me. She is ageing more gentley than me though. haha!
Yeah Tom I’m back and more than ever ready to make this website work. I will be updating my hotel/restaurant information this month and that will including adding more of the restaurants that have been popping up.
I also hope to get updated pictures of the progress of the Ciriaco and Robinson Mall.
As you may have read in my latest story posted “Deserted Destinations”, all of this progress we are doing here might not be worth a poot unless they upgrade the airport.
I tried to contact Rich when I got back, but he is in Davao and not home. I didn’t get to talk to him while I was gone because no one there had Skype on there computer. I didn’t want to load something on someone’s computer either.
I loved being in Texas, but I’m glad to be back here amongst my own things.
We have friends back in the US and she is about 55 and he is 90, but they are both Filipino. So as you say, age doesn’t matter and neither does race evidently.
From what I gather from this story, the way to get a Filipina about 50 years your junior is to basically show up and ask one of them, preferably a poor one. Probably more than 50% of the time you will find a taker. Is that what most of y’all got from the story? I personally would not mind having a much younger wife, but she would have to be mature for your age. I think I’ll try to hang onto mine for at least another 32 years though.
Absolutely agree about even the very young filipinos have a social maturity that we in the USA do not have.
Getting back on topic, here is a PhilStar article about age gap and marriage in the RP as it happens here too.
http://www.philstar.com/Article.aspx?articleId=833750&publicationSubCategoryId=68
http://www.philstar.com/Article.aspx?articleId=833750&publicationSubCategoryId=68